Fifty Shades of Chicken

Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.

'I want you to see this. Then you'll know everything. It's a cookbook,' he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. 'I want to prepare you, very much.' This isn't just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There's pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we'll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. 'I will control everything that happens here,' he says. 'You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you're my ingredient.' I'll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something - what? Something delicious.

So begins the adventures of Miss Chicken, a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E. L. James's sensational Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Like Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.

And before long, from unbearably slow drizzling to trussing, Miss Chicken discovers the sheer thrill of becoming the main course. A parody in three acts - 'The Novice Bird' (easy recipes for roasters), 'Falling to Pieces' (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and 'Advanced Techniques' (the climax of cooking) - Fifty Shades of Chicken is a cookbook of fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken dishes that will leave you hungry for more.

With memorable tips and revealing photographs, Fifty Shades of Chicken will have you dominating dinner.

Dripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, Holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and more, more, more!

Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.

"I want you to see this. Then you'll know everything. It's a cookbook," he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. "I want to prepare you, very much." This isn't just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There's pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we'll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. "I will control everything that happens here," he says. "You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you're my ingredient." I'll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something-what? Something delicious.

So begins the adventures of Miss Chicken, a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James's sensational Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Like Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.

And before long, from unbearably slow drizzling to trussing, Miss Chicken discovers the sheer thrill of becoming the main course. A parody in three acts-"The Novice Bird" (easy recipes for roasters), "Falling to Pieces" (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and "Advanced Techniques" (the climax of cooking)-Fifty Shades of Chicken is a cookbook of fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken dishes that will leave you hungry for more.

With memorable tips and revealing photographs, Fifty Shades of Chicken will have you dominating dinner.

1: The Novice Bird
Extra-Virgin Chicken, Vanilla Chicken, Popped-Cherry Pullet, Learning-to-Truss-You, Chicken with a Lardon, Spanked Hen, Hot-Rubbed Hen, Spicy Fowl, Slicked Chick, Hard and Crisp Chicken on Soft Dumplings, Basted Bird, Holy Mole!, Chili-Lashed Fricassee, Bone-In Broiler, Cock Au Vin, Pulled Pullet, and Please-Don't-Stop Chicken

2: Falling to Pieces: Chicken Parts and Bits
Holy-Hell Wings, Bound Wings, Chicken-Strip Tease, Sticky (Chicken) Fingers, Dripping Thighs, Spread and Stuffed Thighs, Pounded Thighs, Creamed Chicken Supreme, Go-Get-the-Butter Breasts, Steamy White Meat, Chicken and Tongue Ring, Pounded Tenderloin, Crimson Chicken Breasts, Iced Chicken Salad, Skewered Chicken, Chicken Hearts and Flowers, Chicken Sub

3: Advanced Technique: Chickens Gone Wild
Spatchcocked Chicken, Capon on Top, Boned Chicken, Spread-Eagle Chicken, Safe-Word Fowl, Hard-Limit Bird, Hogtied and Porked Chicken (with sausage), Red-Cheeked Chook (with apple), You Dirty Bird, Backdoor Beer Can Chicken, Erect Chicken, Forcemeat Chicken Foam, Hard-Slapped Roaster, Rough-Stuffed Clucker, Quailing Chicken Gelee, (Flame) Licked Chick

Epilogue

Acknowledgments
Index