The Mourning Handbook

From preparing for the death of a loved one to taking care of practical matters to dealing with overwhelming emotions, this most comprehensive guide to grieving, based on the author's experiences as a grief counselor, discusses the issues people face before, during, and after the death of a friend or family member.

Contents

Foreword

Before you Begin This Book

Introduction

Chapter 1 FACTS ABOUT GRIEF

1.1 Definitions

Grief

Mourning

1.2 When Does Grief Begin?

1.3 How Long Does Grief Last?

Age of the Deceased

Cause of Death

Nature of Relationship

Other Events in One's Life

Support Systems

Resources One Can Command

One's Coping Skills

Sexual Differences

1.4 Does Grief End?

1.5 Why Must You Express Your Grief?.

Understanding the Grief Process

Chapter 2 PREPARING FOR A DEATH

2.1 The Diagnosis
Only the Beginning

2.2 Visiting the Dying

2.3 Anticipatory Grief

How Anticipatory Grief Can Be Helpful

When Is Anticipatory Grief Not Helpful?

2.4 When Death Comes

When Death Occurs in a Hospital

When Death Occurs at Home

Chapter 3 FUNERAL PREPARATIONS

3.1 Why Have a Funeral?

3.2 Planning the Funeral

When Cost Is a Factor

Making the Funeral Meaningful

3.3 Selecting a Cemetery

3.4 Burial

What Happens to the Body After Burial?

Visiting the Grave

How Often Should You Visit the Grave?

Thoughts Pertaining to the Headstone

3.5 Cremation

3.6 Memorial Services

3.7 Cenotaphs

3.8 Disposing of Personal Belongings

Chapter 4 MOURNING YOUR LOSS

4.1 Grief Is Unlike Other Life Experiences

4.2 Disbelief and Shock

Some Ideas on How to Help Yourself

4.3 Denial

Some Questions to Ask Yourself

Ways That People Avoid Reality

How to Help Yourself Deal with Denial

When to Consult with a Professional

4.4 Rage and Anger

Anger Is a Powerful Emotion

Does One Have to Express Anger?

Know Your Anger History

When Do You Know You Are Getting Angry?

Prioritizing the Things That Make You Angry

When to Seek Professional Help

4.5 Guilt or Regrets

How to Help Yourself

When to Seek Professional Help

4.6 Depression

Know Your Own Symptoms of Depression

When to Seek Professional Help

4.7 Fears

How to Help Yourself

When to Be Concerned

4.8 Panic

How to Help Yourself

4.9 Physical Illness and Symptoms

How to Help Yourself

When to Be Concerned

Chapter 5 CONTINUING REMINDERS OF YOUR LOSS

5.1 Public Holidays

Christmas

Other Religious Holidays

Secular Holidays

5.2 Special Family Occasions

5.3 Anniversaries

Birthdays

Wedding Anniversaries

Special Anniversaries

The First-Year Anniversary of the Death

5.4 Dreams, Nightmares, and "Visions"

5.5 Visiting the Cemetery

When to Be Concerned

5.6 Revisiting Favorite Places

5.7 Unexpected Reminders

Chapter 6 DIFFERENCES THAT MATTER

6.1 Old Age

6.2 Long-term Illness

Suggestions for Those Dealing with AIDS

6.3 Sudden Death

6.4 Suicide

6.5 Murder

6.6 Extended Family

6.7 Grandparent

6.8 Friend

6.9 Pet

6.10 Sibling

6.11 Parent

As an Adult

As a Child

6.12 Love Relationship

6.13 Spouse

The Loneliness of Widowhood

6.14 Child

Abortion

Grief as Part of Your Life

Chapter 7 COMPLICATED GRIEF

7.1 Other Changes in Your Life

Delayed Grief

7.2 Unusual Circumstances

7.3 Unintentional Acts and Far-Reaching Consequences

7.4 Multiple Deaths

7.5 Sudden Illness and Death

7.6 Violent Death

Accidental Death

Suicide

Murder

7.7 Questionable Deaths

7.8 Shock of Discovery

7.9 Hearing the Death News

7.10 Witnessing a Death

7.11 Notoriety

7.12 When the Body Is Not Presentable

7.13 When There Is No Body

7.14 Secrets Discovered After Death

7.15 "Unacceptable" Relationships

7.16 Dependent Relationships

Spouse

Adult Child

7.17 Conflicted Relationships

7.18 Unfinished Business

7.19 Substance Abuse

7.20 Replacement Child

7.21 Unusual Developments

7.22 Missing Persons

7.23 How to Help Yourself

When to Be Concerned

Chapter 8 UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD GRIEF AND TRAUMA

8.1 What Is Unresolved Childhood Grief?

8.2 No Detour Too Long to Avoid a Cemetery

8.3 Ten Years of Not Talking About It

8.4 The Girl Whose Father Killed Himself

8.5 A Not-So-Funny Joke

8.6 Problems in the Making

8.7 What Is Death-Related Trauma?

8.8 Why Review Such Painful Memories?

8.9 Where Do You Start?

Gathering Information

8.10 Finding the Source of Your Grief

Early Death Experience

8.11 Other Things to Look For

8.12 Restarting the Grief Process

Recording Your Recollections

Books

Healing Old Wounds

Writing

Letter Writing

Drawing

Funeral Home and Cemetery Visits

Symbolic Burial

When to Be Concerned

Chapter 9 THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

9.1 Helping Yourself Through Your Grief

Diet

Exercise

Rest

9.2 You Know You Are Getting Better When...

9.3 New Relationships

When Do You Know You Are Ready?

Where to Start

On Dating

On Children and Dating

How to Help Your Children

On Sexuality

On AIDS

When a Relationship Breaks Up

On Remarriage

Chapter 10 A FRIEND IN NEED

10.1 Preparing Yourself

10.2 When Death Occurs

10.3 Funeral Arrangements

10.4 Funerals

10.5 Emotional Help

Taking Care of Yourself

10.6 Things to Avoid

10.7 Long-Term Help

10.8 Writing a Letter of Condolence

10.9 Delivering Death News

By Telephone

In Person

Looking Out for Yourself

Epilogue

Bibliography

General Grief

Widowhood

Suicide

Parent Grief

Parent Death for Adult Child

Children

For the Family When a Member is Seriously Ill

For Family and Friends

The Death of a Pet

Dealing with Anger

For the Professional

Resources

Finding Professional Help

Support Groups

Death of a Child

Suicide

Death of a Spouse

Death by Murder

Death of a Pet

Illness with Cancer

Index