Break My Heart and Make Me Dance

When I was young, I knew God loved me. I followed Him. Being His child was natural and easy. Then I hit puberty, and my world changed. There were things I saw that I wanted, things that I thought He might not want me to have. I started to wander. Still, I was not stupid. I knew I still needed Him as Savior; it was His Lordship that gave me pause. Eventually I stripped Him of His Lordship and went to live in the "fallen world." I kept Him as my Savior, but I made no effort to follow Him.



I loved my life in the fallen world. Still, it had its challenges. There were times I would find myself in the dreaded "Valley of the Shadow of Death." I knew somehow He was responsible. It was in the "Valley" that I would find myself needing Him. Eventually I would have to call on Him. And rescue me He would, but I refused anything but temporary rescue. I would be thankful for a few days, but the desire for my old life in the fallen world would soon reclaim me, and I would put Him back on the shelf.



There was so much out there to grab for, and the fallen world did push and encourage me to go for happy. There was a problem with that: I was created to be filled with joy, His joy. "Happy" was just a temporary, dim simulation.



I finally had to face the questions. Does He really love me? Is He really to be trusted? Is He really the God of the Bible? If the answer to these questions was yes, could I really have enough confidence in Him to make Him my center and follow Him?